I say a lot of things I don’t mean and I think I’ve created an image of myself in other people’s minds that is so different from the person that I feel like I am, and I think that’s why I end up hating myself so much. The environment I’m in right now is fucking killing me, literally squeezing every bit of life and love I have to offer right out of me. Charlotte is suffocating. The people here are cold and in turn I too have become cold. This is not me, I want to love people and feel welcome and warm but this place has built walls around my soul that even I can’t see through. I cannot be happy as long as I’m here and I won’t, I’m not meant to live in a city where the girls wear pink on Wednesdays and look down upon anyone who has an identity of their own. I’m tired of meeting the same person over and over and over and constantly being disappointed. I’m so tired. It’s impossible for me to survive in a place so unbearably restricting as this; I need to be free.
I want to be surrounded by trees and not people.